Who Knew Cigars Were So Profitable?

I read the following article from Bill Conlin the other day and frankly, I'm befuddled as to why our front office is once again crying poor mouth:

Eighty-two billionaires were dropped from the 2007 list. Oh, the shame. The cutoff fortune was $1.3 billion. George Steinbrenner was a few bucks from not making the list. The Yankees' said-to-be-ailing owner tied for No. 380 and last with a paltry $1.3 billion, just $100 million more than the current valuation of his ballclub.

John S. Middleton was not on the list. But that is because the 2007 list was published before giant conglomerate Altria (formerly Philip Morris) purchased Middleton's privately held family business, John Middleton Inc., for a breath-catching $2.9 billion in cash. The net after taxes and other expenses was $2.2 billion.

John S. Middleton, part man, part Stealth bomber, is a limited partner in the Phillies' ownership group. Middleton's Double Play Inc. shares rank No. 3 behind those of Claire S. Betz and the Buck Brothers' Tri-Play Associates.

John Middleton Inc. manufactures large, machine-made cigars in two local plants employing approximately 550 workers. It is eminently clear that Altria, seeking to exploit the exploding (no pun intended) cigar market as a hedge against declining sales of its many cigarette brands, is paying that huge sum of cash for the brand, not the company's modest assets - even though it has been a big, fat, cash cow. John Middleton Inc. will have projected sales of $360 million this year, generating operating income - profit to you - of $182 million.

So, take a step back from the staggering numbers, and listen to Phillies assistant general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. singing the daily chorus of "Poor Mouth Blues." Sung to the tune of "Rowand, Rowand, Rowand Your Boat." With a third banana, limited partner suddenly and certifiably sitting on an incredible stack of money, we are left with this:

Manager Charlie Manuel will be filling out a lineup that includes a bench-level player at third base, where the Phillies had the feeblest production in the National League last season. Brett Myers is being jerked back into the rotation after making his bones as a feared closer. GM Pat Gillick will pursue another starter and some outfield depth. Carefully. The Phillies will have about $12 million to $15 million to spend on acquisitions after factoring in salary bumps to key regulars like Ryan Howard. In other words, the Phillies will not be trying to buy a World Series title.

Club president Dave Montgomery and his silent partners put together the 2008 budget well before John S. Middleton potentially became the wealthiest fractional sports owner in Philadelphia history.

In a brief statement, Montgomery dismissed any connection between Middleton's windfall and his role as a Phillies investor: "John Middleton is a limited partner with the Phillies and his personal and business interests have no impact on the operation of the ballclub."

Middleton himself makes the Da Vinci code look like a level-1 Sudoku. The 1977 Amherst College graduate flies so low under the radar he should be registered with the Bureau of Mines. He inherited his Phillies piece and the umbrella for the family businesses, Bradford Holdings, from his father, Herbert H. Middleton, also an Amherst alumnus.

When John received the college's Medal for Eminent Service at the 2004 commencement ceremony, the program included this about him:

Middleton values family above all else, and Amherst is well represented among his kin. The proud son of an Amherst father - and brother to an Amherst sister and her Amherst husband - Middleton heads his family business, which include McIntosh Inns, Bradford Holdings, and Double Play, Inc. . . .

I have a professional relationship with a man who informed me recently that he was an Amherst class of '77 grad and knew John S. Middleton fairly well. "John had a small circle of close friends and a somewhat larger group of people he was friendly with," the source said, requesting anonymity. "I was his friend but not what you would call a close one."

A picture emerged of a less than brilliant student who was doggedly competitive in everything he undertook, particularly on the wrestling mat. "I don't recall his weight class, but it was at least 175 pounds. He was powerful and aggressive, actually a little nasty in his matches. John was just determined to be the best he could be in everything. But he was very, very private and always turned away from self-promotion or praise."

Only in Philadelphia can you have a limited owner with more money than George Steinbrenner, but not allow him to use it. I truly hate Dave Montgomery and the rest of the other owners. Can't Middleton just buy these clowns out and infuse the necessary money into this team to push it over the top? Seriously, if Middleton gives a shit about the team, why wouldn't he just commence a Coup D'etat? Everyone involved with this team confuses me to no end.

Plus, I really like the idea of having an owner that was once a "nasty" collegiate wrestler. I think he would be the just the type of hard nosed front office guy that this franchise has lacked for decades.

Anyhow, I know this town freaks out when we talk about how much money the Birds leave under the salary cap every year when they have glaring holes in the lineup. Well, when Wes Helms and the yet to be determined replacement outfielder for Rowand strand Utley and Howard with less than two out a couple times a night, you can thank Dave Montgomery for not putting John Middleton's $3 billion to work.