MISSING PERSON ALERT

Missing: Robert Earl Clarke (a.k.a., Bob, Bobby, “Clarkie”, and “Mr. Snider’s Boy”)

Date of Birth: 8/13/49

Distinguishing Characteristics: Wears false teeth, bad Canadian accent, hates Russians and the Lindros Family

Last seen: On June 24, 2006 in Vancouver, Canada, at the NHL Entry Draft where he forgot the name of his first round pick just as he was about to announce it at the podium.

Ok, ok…Clarkie is presumably not missing. I did see him last week on Comcast Sportsnet’s Philly Sports GM Symposium and Pinaccio did have a couple quotes from him in today’s Inquirer, but his moves this offseason, or lack thereof, prove otherwise. Clearly, someone is asleep at the wheel of the local hockey team in town that wears those funny Halloween colors.

Do the names Lars Johnnson, Nolan Baumgartner, Mark Cullen, Brad Tapper, Marty Murray, and Randy Robataille excite you? Wait, do they even register any other reaction than “who are these guys?” Well, the aforementioned fellows happen to be the sum of the Flyers’ offseason moves. They have scored a combined 121 goals in 845 NHL games (a total of .143 per game). It doesn’t take a hockey connoisseur to realize that the Flyers clearly needed an infusion of depth, skill and speed in this offseason after they were unceremoniously dumped from the playoffs last year by the faster and more talented Sabres. So, I ask you again, are you excited about the prospects of your 2006-2007 Flyers? Didn’t think so.

Poor Clarkie clearly isn’t adjusting to the “new NHL” and it’s new cap restraints. It has been well documented by the local beat writers how the Flyers are cap strapped due to last offseason’s poor free agent decisions. In this space, I also took Captain Keith Primeau to task by preventing the Flyers from moving on and using his available dollars under the task. However, Clarkie has no one else to blame for these problems, but the man in the mirror.

He was the one that signed big lumbering defensemen last offseason to huge dollar, no trade contracts, even though Mr. Snider served on the league’s competition committee and advised him that the rules in the “new NHL” would emphasize speed and skill over size and strength. He’s the one that has locked up additional dead cap space by not giving Primeau a deadline to make a decision on his future. He’s the one that has not been creative in restocking his team through trades, even though he has assets such as Robert Esche ready to be moved out of town.

In the old days, Clarkie could improve the team by throwing huge money at free agents or trade off unproductive players and pick up part of their contracts. Under the new collective bargaining agreement, the Orange & Black don’t have this luxury anymore. It pains me to say, but I think it’s time Mr. Snider moves Clarkie to a cushy position upstairs and brings in a younger GM better equipped to piece together a team in today’s new environment. (Voegs, notice I didn’t call the 56 year old Clarkie a senior citizen.)

As for the rest of us who love our “Fly Guys”, I have a distinct feeling that we’ll be suffering through a great deal of mediocrity this year, which will likely ended up with another first round playoff exit. Of course, I’m reserving my right to change my opinion if someone finally locates Clarkie and returns him to Flyer Land so he can make a promising trade or two.