I found this outstanding comparison of your Philadelphia Phillies to a Stripper on a popular Philly Sports blog. Kudos to this guy for one of the more poignant pieces that I've seen in a while:
Lapdance: A Philadelphia StoryI concur with this guy entirely. Not that I know anything about the types of establishments that he describes.
The Phillies lost 13-0 to the San Francisco Giants on Friday, June 1st, 2007. The loss put them back under .500 as they hover in third place in the National League East. It also led to me realize that loving the Phillies is like a perpetual lapdance. Don’t understand the metaphor? Allow me to elaborate.
March - You and your friends have talked about it. Maybe it’s for a bachelor party. Maybe it’s just a Saturday night. No matter the occasion, you’ve decided to head to the strip club. There’s a date. You’re waiting for it. You’re talking about it. You’re excited. While in the back of your head you know that none of your friends have ever scored with one of the dancers, there’s always hope. You’ve played it over and over in your head. You’re going to score with a stripper.
April - It’s time. Your hair is brushed right, and your dressed perfectly; casual yet not quite “Night at the Roxbury.” You walk into the club, and it’s all a bit disgusting to you. The drinks are overpriced. None of the girls are even 6’s on your scale, and the sweaty fat guys sitting front row are waving twenty dollar bills that mock the pack of Washingtons in your pocket. It seems like it’s going to be a very long night.
May - There she is. The 9. She looks like someone you could brag to friends about, and possibly bring home to your parents and convince them that she’s an accountant. She’s hot. You make your move to the stage. The hope you held has come racing back feverishly.
June/July - You ask her for a lapdance, but apparently there’s a line of 5 or 6 other guys ahead of you. It’s as if someone is playing a cruel joke on you. You were able to smell the oil on her for a split second, and now it seems like these regulars are going to ruin your chances at getting to her. Sure every once in a while she walks past you, but there’s no way you’re going to catch her before last call.
August/September - Finally. She’s ready. It’s your turn. You surge to the private room. You jump on the couch with your money already in your fist. It’s on. You’re throwing the most valuable pick-up lines you’ve got at her. You’re sure that this is it. The suddenly, you blow your…opportunity. All that hard work went for nothing. It’s embarrassing, and you walk out of the club with nothing to show for it except some pants you’d rather never wear again.
October - The next day,, you watch your buddies. Some have girlfriends, some have wives. Here you are, watching them in envy. If you would have scored with that stripper, just once, you could go on not caring about what everyone else has accomplished.
But in the end, you’re from Philadelphia where pain and embarrassment make a pair of pants that you comfortably wear.
2 comments:
A little bit ridiculous here.
Jorge...I heard the Phils are looking for their version of Dave Spadaro. Mind if nominate for the position?
Seriously, the Phils are the biggest tease in Philly sports and we all know how big a tease strippers can be. I think the comparison is apropos.
Anyhow, Eskin is saying that some of the owners are ready to sell. Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. As long as this ownership group is in place, this team will never seriously contend.
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