Let Me Look Into My Crystal Ball

Since we’re only one day away from the opening of the Football Season, there is no better time than the present to release my predictions for the 2006-2007 season.

Let me be the first to admit. I don’t have a great handle on this season. There are no dominant powers. There are more flaws on these teams than the Phils’ bullpen. The days are gone when you can pencil in two teams to at least reach the Conference Championship Games and then work backwards. Nowadays, there are always at least three teams that jump out of nowhere to make the playoffs. Parity is now king in professional football and the NFL couldn’t be happier.

So, without any further adieu, let’s start with the NFC East since that’s division we care about the most.

NFC East:

New York Giants – 11-5 – I think the G Men have the most solid combination of offense and defense. If Coughlin can prevent a team mutiny, I like their chances to repeat.

Philadelphia Eagles – 10-6 – A lot of people have gone over board with the Stallworth trade and now have the Birds at 12-4 and a division winner. Jeez, even my the Sports Guy picked them to make the Super Bowl based upon his “Ewing Theory”. I like the addition of Stallworth and think he’ll he help a great deal, but they are relying on too many fragile guys for me to see them staying healthy enough to win the division and becoming a viable contender for the Super Bowl.

Dallas Cowboys – 10-6 – Yeah, it’s easy to say there will be T.O. melt down this year after the media created circus this training camp. I’m starting to think the ‘Boys will be smart enough to take measures to curtail the media storm so as to not derail their preseason. I’ve also seen a lot of people this week pick the Cowboys as their NFC representative in the Super Bowl. I don’t see it, but I do see them in the playoffs.

Washington Redskins – 6-10 - This team is my pick for this year’s team turmoil. Way too many Chiefs and not enough Indians on this coaching staff. Plus, how does this team spend a gazillion dollars on midget receivers and rely on an older than dirt quarterback like Brunell? Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I also see Portis’ injury lingering all year, which is exactly why he was off limits in my fantasy drafts.

NFC South

Tampa Bay – 10-6 – If John Gruden can make Bobby Hoying look good, what do you think he can do for a guy with a pedigree like Chris Simms. If the defense and Joey Galloway can ratchet it up for one more year, I really like their chances to contend for a title.

Carolina – 9-7 – So many people jumped on this team’s bandwagon early in the preseason that I was scared off the Panthers. Now, so many people are following suit and staying away from this team, that I’m wondering that maybe it’s ok to back them for a Super Bowl run. Honestly, I’m just confused by this team. They could win the Super Bowl or finish 8-8.

Atlanta – 8-8 – I like the defense. I like the coach. I like the running backs and wide receivers. I HATE the quarterback. The best thing that can happen to this team is for Vick to get hurt –a distinct possibility - and let the kid from West Chester take over. If that happens, I reserve my right to bump this prediction up to 10-6.

N’Awlins – 5-11 - The offense has some new weapons – Reggie Bush and Drew Brees – to go along with Deuce and Joe Horn, but the o line and defense is pretty bad. It could be a long year, but I hope and pray they win that first Monday Night Game back at the Super Dome. These people DESERVE it!

NFC Central

Minnesota – 9-7 – They win this division by default. They went 9-7 last year with a knucklehead for a coach, a back up quarterback and team that was answering more questions about the Sex Cruise than football. This year new coach Brad Childress comes to the Land of a Thousand Lakes knowing that he’s starting Brad Johnson for a full season and should have the benefit of a steady RB in Chester Taylor. A repeat of last year’s record is very doable.

Chicago – 8-8 – Sure, they have one of the best defenses in the league, but there is no way they repeat last year’s performance with all those special teams and defensive touchdowns. The Rex Grossman led offense is absolutely horrible. They’d have a hard time scoring on the Saints defense. It is an absolute given that this team takes a step back this year.

Detroit – 7-9 – The Lions are a chic pick with NFL experts. I don’t see it. Jon Kitna won’t do a lot to make Lions forget Joey Harrington. Hey, at least the Lions didn’t draft another WR in the first round. Plus, this city has an elite NBA team and a baseball team steaming towards the playoffs. I don’t feel bad for these guys.

Green Bay – 3-13 – I hope the people from the Land of Cheese that Favre came back. It’s going to be a long year. Favre should have asked for a trade.

NFC West

Seattle – 11-5 – As the Sports Guy pointed out in his column today, the Seahawks are facing the Super Bowl Loser Jinx AND the Madden Cover Jinx. However, they still play the Cards, Rams and 49ers 6 times. How do they not win the division??? Plus, as my buddy Mister Nascar told me, the Super Bowl Loser Jinx does not apply to Seattle since they didn’t actually lose the game, it was STOLEN from them.

Arizona – 8-8 – I’m hoping for Leinart to get some run sooner than later. He’s the closest thing this league has seen to Broadway Joe in years….at least off the field. He seems to be a helluva a quarterback, but I think he’s soft and that’s not going to help him a whole lot behind that offensive line. Also, look for the Edge to be bitching about his lack of blocking after week 3.

St. Louis – 7-9 – I toyed with the idea of this team being a surprise team, but I don’t love the defense. So, unless the defense gels, it could be an uneven year. I do LOVE Steven Jackson. He’s my pick for breakout player of the year. It pains me to say that my buddy Mister Nascar drafted him in our fantasy league. I envision the next four months of him pointing out how he projected his greatness and reached for him at the 6th pick in our draft.

San Francisco – 6-10 – In case you missed it, former Niner Kevan Barlow compared Mike Nolan to Hitler. Things can’t be good in the Bay Area. Sure, it takes a complete moron to compare a coach to the most hated figure of the past century, but I’m guessing the players aren’t buying into Nolan’s regime heading into year 2.

AFC East

Miami – 11-5 – Way back in March when I was in Vegas, I put a few sheckles down on the ‘Fins to win the Super Bowl right after I learned that they traded for Culpepper. I felt great about my pick until I realized the Super Bowl is in Miami this year and no team has ever gone all the way when the Supe was played in their home stadium. Based upon this trend, I guess I wasted a few bucks, but I still really like the ‘Fins to contend for the Championship despite the fact that I changed my Super Bowl winner pick when I realized where the game was being played.

New England – 10-6 – Sure, it looks like Deion Branch is on his way out the door and they are getting really thing at LB, but they still have Tom Brady and that’s all you need to at least reach the playoffs.

J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS – 5-11 – Here’s a secret…I clandestinely root for the Jets. It must be a “green thing”. You wouldn’t understand. Anyhow, it’s going to be a long rebuilding year for these guys, but that’s ok. They’ll rebuild over the next couple years, get back to respectability and then break their fans’ hearts all over again.

Buffalo – 4-12 – If I told you that you were faced with a second straight season full of quarterbacking by J.P. Losman and Kelly Holcomb, is that something you’d be excited about? Didn’t think so.

AFC Central

Cincinatti – 11-5 – Is it me or does it seem like half the team is on probation or suspended by the NFL? I knew Chris Henry was a scumbag back at West Virginia when he flipped the bird to the RU student, but he’s one of the best young deep threats in the league. So, I guess sometimes you gotta overlook the little stuff, like an offseason of four arrests. All that being said, they have the best “triplets” in the league with Palmer, Rudi, and Chad Johnson. If their defense holds up again this year, they should win the division.

Baltimore – 10-6 – I think old warriors like McNair and Ray Lewis have one last run in them. If Jamaal Lewis can stay healthy, this team makes the playoffs.

Pittsburgh – 8-8 – There has been bad karma swirling around this team since they stole the Super Bowl from Seattle. I highly doubt Roethliberger’s bout with appendicitis is the last bad thing that will happen to this team. It’s going to be a long year out in the ‘Burgh.

Cleveland – 7-9 – I think this team will be better, but I have nothing to back it up. So take this prediction with a grain of salt. Although this casual observer wonders who does Cleveland have to kiss up to in order to prevent another one of their marquee players from suffering another major injury.

AFC South

Indianapolis – 12-4 – I think they’ll miss the Edge slightly, but they suffered some losses on their defense that I think will hurt them again come playoff time. I also smell another playoff upset loss.

Jacksonville – 10-6 – Does anyone think Fred Taylor’s groin has 16 healthy games in it? Didn’t think so. They will take a step back this year even though the defense will remain formidable and their passing game will be improve with Matt Jones being a year older and the addition of Mercedes Lewis.

Tennessee – 6-10 – I really hope Vince Young doesn’t get much playing time. From what little I saw in the preseason, he didn’t seem ready and Jaws was imploring the coaching staff not to play him on Monday Night Prime Time this week.

Houston – 5-11 – Remember how p*ssed off Eagles’ fans were when they were told they couldn’t bring hoagies into games? Well, multiply that level of frustration by 6,248 and that’s how Texans fans feel after their management team passed over Reggie Bush. You don’t screw over an entire fan base without suffering a major karma hit. If I was the Texans owner, I’d hire Earl Hickey as a consultant because things are going to get AWFULLY ugly down there.

AFC West

Denver – 12-4 – Just like Atlanta, I really like the defense, the running game and wide receivers, and coach. It all comes down to Jake the Snake. The rest of this team is Super Bowl Caliber except the QB. I’m going to gamble and say the presence of Jay Cutler raises the Snake’s game to another level and he manages games well enough to get the Broncs over the hump this year.

San Diego – 8-8 – I was all ready to put this team in the playoffs until an off duty police officer popped a couple caps into LB Steve Foley. I don’t like the aura around a team that is trying to break in a new quarterback. Also, you can’t underestimate the Marty Schottenheimer factor.

Kansas City – 7-9 – I totally expect LJ to rush for 2,000+ yards despite the fact that he has a 250 lb Left Tackle blocking for him because Herm will ensure that he gets his carries, even when they are down by 3 td’s in the third quarter. That will about be the only highlight for this team as they did nothing to significantly improve the defense.

Oakland – 2-14 – Uniting Aaron Brooks and Art Shell is a train wreck waiting to happen. I might watch every game of theirs on the Sunday Ticket just to get a good laugh every week. At the very least, it sets up the funny scenario of watching the squeaky clean Brady Quinn getting drafted by the rough and tumbled Raiders.

Playoff Teams:

NFC:

1. Seattle
2. New York Giants
3. Tampa Bay
4. Minnesota
5. Eagles
6. Cowboys

First Round: Eagles over Vikings, Tampa Bay over Dallas

Second Round: Seattle over Eagles, Tampa Bay over the Giants

NFCCG: Tampa Bay over Seattle

AFC:

1. Denver
2. Indy
3. Cinci
4. Miami
5. New England
6. Baltimore

First Round: Miami over Baltimore, Cinci over New England

Second Round: Miami over Indy, Denver over Cinci

AFCCG: Denver over Miami

SUPER BOWL: Denver over Tampa Bay (Yes, I realize that I have Jake Plummer and Chris Simms facing off in a Super Bowl. Although, it’s not as bad as the matchup in Super Bowl XXXV where Trent Dilfer beat Kerry Collins.)